My son and I went to my parents’ house yesterday. I made up my mind yesterday to try to focus on life and the loved ones still in my life, rather than spend the whole day obsessing over the one that is no longer in it. My Daddy is still alive and I did not want to regret not going to celebrate that fact on this Father’s Day weekend because I let my sadness dominate. It wasn’t necessarily easy, but I’m glad we went. I did enjoy the time with my son, my mother and my father. As much as I can enjoy anything right now. Every experience is just “different” now. I am “different”. The world looks “different”. I don’t know how to explain it really. It’s almost like you have entered a different realm. I guess it’s just a different reality. But, when you have lost someone so near and dear to you, it really does change everything. Nothing feels normal.
This transition from we, us and ours to I, me and mine is so difficult and unpleasant. Quite frankly, I hate it. You built this identity as a couple, and it’s gone in an instant. You find yourself in a position of starting over, basically. Finding a “new normal”. I am fortunate, in many regards. I realize that. I am still thankful for the many blessings in my life. I don’t want to sound as if I am not. I am fortunate in the fact that I am not in a situation many widows find themselves in…having to suddenly go out and find a job, or losing their home because they can no longer afford to live in it. I was independent in that regard, before Greg, and I am still in a position of being able to be self-sufficient, on my own.
I have been perusing quilting blogs and forums, trying to be inspired to work on my own projects again. I even went to a fabric shop open house yesterday, Lillie’s Thimble, in Pampa. I love going to fabric shops and rarely leave one without buying something, even if it’s just a spool of thread. I left empty handed. Wasn’t even tempted. The desire just isn’t there yet. I am thinking that today I might try to straighten up my quilting room…and maybe that will begin to light a fire again. It’s somewhat of a disaster in there right now. Greg was my biggest quilting fan and supporter. The first one I wanted to show when I quilted something I thought was really good. He would be just as happy and excited as I was. He bought me both of my sewing machines, my embroidery machine, and a big portion of my quilting machine. There isn’t a part of my life that he hadn’t become a big part of, as well. Quilting is no exception.
I have decisions to make, as far as my quilting is concerned. While I have no doubt that I will again be quilting…and probably sooner rather than later…it is possible that I may only be quilting for myself. I may let the customer quilting go. I will be selling our business to Greg’s son-in-law. I run all my quilting work through it. Sales tax collecting and reporting, etc. I’m not sure that I will want to have to go through setting up a new business on my own, and one thing I won’t do is run it “under the table”. It was easy to do before, since we already had a successful business established, to just add the quilting work in with it. The other side of that coin is that I will actually have more spare time now, on the weekends, in which to do customer quilting. Or, it could just be lots of spare time to work on my own stuff. Lots of things for me to ponder.
Hopefully, before long, there will be some quilting content returning. For today, I leave you with pics of four little friends on the patio:
I leave the patio light on for them at night, to draw insects. I call it the “buffet”. Haha.
Ramblings From Randi, The Wild Rose Quilter 
Randi, just take one day at a time, one step at a time. My thoughts and prayers are with you and you are in my thoughts often.
Judy in MO
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Thanks for the update, Randi. I’m sure that the entire first year as a widow will make every occasion and date difficult, but just deal with them one at a time, and do the best you can.
Hugs….
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The buffet made me smile!! That last one looks like he REALLY enjoys the buffet!!! I understand about the new normal and hating it. The loss of creativity. One foot in front of the other… and as one of my friends tells me everyday…. be good to yourself. Be as kind to yourself as you would be to others. Nourish yourself. Be patient with yourself.
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I don’t know alot about the greiving process but from what you have written here in the last month, you are on track with your journey of healing. It’s totally normal for your new situation to not feel ‘normal’ yet… that takes time and faith. Take one day at a time, find the moments of joy when and where you can, and be good to yourself. This is a journey, not an event. Thinking of you often, my friend.
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Don’t rush into any decisions. You have a lot yet to consider. Grieving is a process and at least you are going with it and not trying to fight it. Finding joy in family and nature show that you are healing.
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You are so wise! I am so sorry that you have had to go through this horrendous loss of your beloved, but I continue to be amazed at your dignity and strength. You are in my prayers and in my heart.
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I love reading your posts Randi, to see how you are doing and what you are thinking. I hope you are keeping a diary of this part of your journey as it probably would be good therapy. One step, one day at a time is all that can be asked of you right now. The quilting will come back, once a quilter, always a quilter, when the time is right. Until then remember your friends love you and should you need any of us, we are just a phone call away.
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Your are a brilliant, intelligent woman, albeit temporarily damaged. But your character and strength shines through, all the way here to western Nebrasa! I can feel it shining through this computer screen. In time, you will be OK, not like before, but OK.
Blessings,
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From experience I would say delay the decision as long as possible, but I would love to see you keep on doing customers quilts. I can see you doing a photography album of each one to in a sense, say….Here Greg…see this one.
just my thoughts. Having customers will also keep some normality in life.
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How cute that you have the ‘buffet’ at night for the frogs. i never thought of that…..great idea. i found a tiny, tiny frog at the door of my studio yesterday morning. he wasn’t even an inch wide. i don’t know how he got up all those steps. LOL little turtles and frogs are the cutest things.
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Thanks for your blogs, Randi. I wish I had great wisdom for you, but all I have are hugs. It’s a journey for sure, and my advice is not to make any major decisions for at least a year. (At least that is the advice I have heard). It’s relatively easy to set up a business, so don’t let selling the other business dictate your decision to keep quilting for customers.
I don’t have the experience you are having, but I remember when my Dad died, I wasn’t motivated to do very much for a few months. So be gentle and patient with yourself before you make any decisions.
Big hugs, Randi. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
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((hugs)) Just take one day at a time. It’s all very overwhelming for you, but your positive attitude will see you through. I think of you often.
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Randi, there are many decisions to be made, but try to take one day at a time. Some decisions may be better put off until another day. Know that you are loved and cared about. Hugs
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So glad you went to your parents for Fathers day. I’m not widowed but I know my dad’s death sucked the joy out of me for a very long time. It actually sucked the ‘joy of gardening” out of me. It’s just starting to come back & its been 5 years {sigh}, but my joy of quilting did come back. One thing that seems to bring me quilting joy is watching The Quilt show, with Ricky Timms & Alex Anderson online. I grab my laptop, put on some earphones (I’m oldtimey) & it blocks out the rest of the world while I get to hear about the life of another quilter. Your joy for things will come back just differently & over time. Hugs & love to you!
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Hi! I’m sorry we haven’t met before this but I wanted to let you know that I’m sorry for your loss. We share the common bond of widow-hood. My first husband died in 2007. It took me a while to get back into my quilting mojo, but it does happen, and in its own time. GL. Please feel free to write anytime you need an ear or a shoulder. gdcleanfun at gmail dot com or search for gdcleanfun on Facebook. 🙂
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I came across your post as I was browsing Quilting Blogs. I lost my husband in 1999. I was 48 and he was 51. I understand your pain. It is like the life you knew was suddenly gone and it is so hard to build a new life without him. It just takes time. I loved to sing and to sew, both of which I was unable to do for many years. I started sewing again in 2006…….quilting, actually. It has been such a wonderful way to pass my time. My heart goes out to you because I remember the struggle. Love to you, Marily
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