Author: Wild Rose Quilter

I’m a simple woman…at least that what my DH (Dear Husband) used to say about me…I was a wife, I am now a widow, mother, step-mother & step-grandmother, quilter, and have a full time job in criminal justice. I lost my DH on May 22nd, 2011. I live in a small town in Texas. I love piecing quilts, I love quilting quilts. I have a serious addiction to fabric. I’ve been quilting since 1998, and purchased my first longarm, a Gammill Premier, in 2004. I upgraded to an A-1 Elite, named Corky, in March, 2007. I am in the process of rebuilding my life after losing my spouse. All photos and content in this blog are my own, and I request that you not download, copy or otherwise use anything here without my permission. I hope you enjoy visiting my blog and would love to hear your comments. Thanks for stopping by!
longarm quilting

I ran away for a few days :)

Wild Rose Quilter7 Comments

But, before I did that, I loaded this behemoth on the machine and started quilting it.

It’s my first leap back into doing real “custom” quilting since sometime in 2010, before everything happened with Greg. I’ve only gotten some of the straight line ruler work done, but so far so good, I think.  And, I’ve been totally enjoying the process.  I will share a little peek with you. 🙂

Nothing too exciting yet, but still, a big step back into my life for me. 🙂

Now, about that running away.  I really, truly did.  All the way to Jamaica! 😀  It was wonderful!
And, it was another big step for me. I had never been out of the U.S. before.  I went with one of my best girlfriends and we had a great time.  She moved to Arkansas awhile back, so we don’t get to see each other that often anymore, so that made the trip even more special. I really needed that little getaway.  We stayed at the Gran Bahia Principe in Runaway Bay.

This is me standing on our balcony before we went out to dinner.

And, one of me enjoying a refreshing tropical beverage and the beautiful view before we went shopping on our last day there.

That’s it for now. I think I will go do a little more stitching on that quilt!

grief · longarm quilting · quilting · quilts

Quilting to Report! :)

Wild Rose Quilter11 Comments

For many months after Greg passed, I just couldn’t get back into my quilting. He was so involved in that part of my life. Very interested and so supportive. I just couldn’t get my mojo back. But, finally, the fire is burning within me again. I am working on my projects and it’s bringing me joy. I am trying to turn all my WIP’s into completed items. Or, at least make a good dent in them before I start on new ones. I know that I will not be able to refrain from starting a new thing, here or there, before I finish ALL my WIPs. In the past week, I have quite a little bit of new progress to report.

I finished my “chicken quilt”. Just a simple turning twenty made with mostly chicken themed fabrics, quilted with Willow Leaf studio’s Fancy This panto. I had everything but the binding finished close to two years ago, now. Now, it’s finally draped over the back of my sofa, ready to snuggle up in during the chilly Fall/Winter months. I actually took a little nap under it yesterday.

I pulled out a little pre-cut table runner kit I have had for probably three years now. I  bought it from Chery’s Quilt Corner, in Guymon. It was designed by Judy Rice. I am so happy to see it on my table in time for pumpkin season this year! I quilted it on my longarm. For the pumpkin vines that were supposed to be done by machine or hand embroidery, I just threaded my longarm with some green thread and did them as part of the quilting.

That little table runner just makes me smile. I love pumpkins!

Last night I loaded the Oklahoma Backroads (pattern from Bonnie Hunter’s Quiltville) quilt that I started making for my Mom, back before she was diagnosed with lymphoma. So, I know this has been a WIP for over two years. I pulled it off the longarm just a little bit ago. It’s a scrap quilt, with pretty much bits and pieces of any and ever quilt I had previously made in it. I could have done a better job with the fabric values, which would have made the stars and “roads” stand out better, but she will love it for snuggling up in. It’s so busy that I decided to do a freehand “paisley-ish” allover meander on it, just to give it a nice texture. Also, being that I really avoided my longarm for over a year, and the year before that it was barely used, these little projects are a good way to sharpen up my skills again. I’m a little rusty and these are good confidence builders. I am pleased to report that my longarm just took right off, and is working perfectly, even after all that sitting, waiting for me to come back to her. That was a big relief.

Now to get the binding and a label on it, and it’s soon to be a finish, as well. 🙂 I’m ready for it to go live with Mom!

Greg was in one of my dreams last night. At first, I wanted so badly to dream about him, because it would feel, in a way, as if he was still here, as if I had seen and talked to him. And the funny thing is, those dreams didn’t come right away. Now, when they do, I have really mixed emotions about it. Waking up after one is certainly  more painful. Because, it does feel as if he was just here, as if I just talked with him, saw him, and possibly even touched him. And then, I wake up.

I alluded to a “special someone” in a previous recent post. Yes, I am seeing someone. But no, that takes nothing away from the loss of what I had.  And, he lives six hours away. Long, but sweet, story. Someday maybe I will share it here. 🙂

In the meantime, I will be trying to figure out the best way to reply to your comments. While I was away, it seems WordPress changed the comment notification emails. It used to be that I could reply directly, and privately to the commenter by replying through the notification email that WordPress sent. That is no longer the case. I can click on the email address of the commenter, and send a whole new email, which is probably what I will begin doing. If I reply through the WordPress email, it posts directly here on the blog, but I don’t know if the commenter gets notification that there has been a repy. Do any of you know? I do read all your comments and have been very lax about responding during these past many months. I intend to start doing better about that again! Thanks for stopping by, and thank you for all the cyber love you have sent my way. 🙂

quilting

Setback Day?

Wild Rose Quilter6 Comments

Today has been one of those days. I worked in my Perryton office, rather than the Borger office, where I spend most of my working time these days. Maybe that was part of it. The weather changed. It was definitely a chilly, damp, cloudy Fall kind of day. Maybe the change in seasons is part of the reason. I have worked in the Perryton office several times since Greg passed, so I don’t know what makes today one of “those” days…a day I’m calling a “setback day”, simply because I don’t know what else to say to describe it. But, here I am, a year and four months past the date of his passing. And, all day it felt so unreal. Like all the space between was erased, and I had to keep reminding myself that he is gone. It started this morning when an ambulance went down Main St., and I caught myself thinking, as I used to do when this same event happened, that I should call Greg, just make sure it wasn’t him and that he was fine. Then I remembered that no, it wasn’t him, that he wasn’t fine, and all the stuff that happened from diagnosis of his brain tumor, to his death. All day I felt as if he should be coming to get me for lunch, should be down at the glass shop working away, that he should be coming home saying “what’s for dinner?” It feels so surreal again. Yep, well over a year later…a setback day. Strange how they just come along for no apparent reason. I wonder what makes it feel so fresh all over again. Just musing aloud, there…I know there isn’t a definitive answer to that question.

quilting

I have been doing some….

Wild Rose Quilter15 Comments

QUILTING!! I finally finished a couple lap quilts, that only needed binding finished and labeled. One, I started before Greg’s diagnosis. The other, a gift for a friend, I started while he was still in the LTACH, but I was spending a few days home, and a few days there, dividing my time between him, work, and things that needed tended to at home. Anyway, it feels good to finally have them finished.

This one is the gift for a friend. She flew from her home in Arkansas, to spend a few days with me in Lubbock, while Greg was still in the main hospital, and I was barely holding myself together. The emotional and mental support she gave me those few days meant so much. It’s a 1600 quilt made from a jelly roll. This first photo is “pre-washing”. I quilted it with the Seven Treasures of Buddha (aka orange peel) template boards from Circle Lord. Love them!!

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I liked it before, but I love the look of it after washing and drying. It makes it look so “quilty”. 🙂

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This one is Boxed In, another jelly roll quilt, from Heather Mulder Peterson’s book, Let the Good Times Roll. I quilted it with a holly berry pattern, as the fabrics are Christmas themed. I used QD wool batting in this one. It’s the first time I have washed and dried a quilt with a wool batting, and it washed up beautifully! I had lost the good lighting to take a photo after washing, so this one is before.

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I started a little table runner for fall. This is from a kit that I purchased form Cheryl’s Quilt Corner in Guymon, Ok, back in 2009. It is designed by Judy Rice. It’s all ready to go on the longarm. I love pumpkins. For some reason, they just make me smile.

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And, I’m working on a large king size quilt for a “special someone” that has come into my life. It’s an Eleanor Burns pattern, from her Still Stripping book.

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I haven’t been keeping up with any blog reading, and I discovered this evening that I seem to have lost all the quilting blog subscriptions that I had in Google Reader. I thought I had successfully exported them to the new Google apps thingy. Guess I didn’t. Oh well…no big deal thing…I will start building a new list, and hope to be stopping by to see some of you again. 🙂

quilting

I. Am. Still. Here.

Wild Rose Quilter19 Comments

Wow. I cannot believe almost a whole year has passed since I posted here last. It really just became more than I could keep up with. Don’t expect to see a whole lot here, still…I’ve only recently even begun to work on my quilting projects again. But, I have started picking it back up, and maybe I will get around to posting about it again soon. I did give up all customer quilting. I just can’t handle that at this point, along with rebuilding my life and dealing with my regular job.  I have been through a lot of changes this past year, some good things along with the pain. So, I will start by dipping my toes back in ever so slightly and see how this goes. Will I stay at it? Who knows. 🙂

quilting

Backyard Surprise!

Wild Rose Quilter22 Comments

Two blog posts in one day! But, this I had to share. This is one of the things that would have had me running into the house yelling “Honey! Look what I found!” I found a real treasure today.  I was pulling some weeds and overgrown herbs, and it’s a wonder I didn’t step right on it. I saw it just in time. How precious is this?!

I sure hope this little one survives and stays around in the yard. I looked for others, but didn’t find anymore.

quilting

Father’s Day

Wild Rose Quilter16 Comments

My son and I went to my parents’ house yesterday. I made up my mind yesterday to try to focus on life and the loved ones still in my life, rather than spend the whole day obsessing over the one that is no longer in it. My Daddy is still alive and I did not want to regret not going to celebrate that fact on this Father’s Day weekend because I let my sadness dominate. It wasn’t necessarily easy, but I’m glad we went. I did enjoy the time with my son, my mother and my father. As much as I can enjoy anything right now. Every experience is just “different” now. I am “different”. The world looks “different”. I don’t know how to explain it really. It’s almost like you have entered a different realm. I guess it’s just a different reality. But, when you have lost someone so near and dear to you, it really does change everything. Nothing feels normal.

This transition from we, us and ours to I, me and mine is so difficult and unpleasant. Quite frankly, I hate it. You built this identity as a couple, and it’s gone in an instant. You find yourself in a position of starting over, basically. Finding a “new normal”. I am fortunate, in many regards. I realize that. I am still thankful for the many blessings in my life. I don’t want to sound as if I am not. I am fortunate in the fact that I am not in a situation many widows find themselves in…having to suddenly go out and find a job, or losing their home because they can no longer afford to live in it. I was independent in that regard, before Greg, and I am still in a position of being able to be self-sufficient, on my own.

I have been perusing quilting blogs and forums, trying to be inspired to work on my own projects again. I even went to a fabric shop open house yesterday, Lillie’s Thimble, in Pampa. I love going to fabric shops and rarely leave one without buying something, even if it’s just a spool of thread. I left empty handed. Wasn’t even tempted. The desire just isn’t there yet. I am thinking that today I might try to straighten up my quilting room…and maybe that will begin to light a fire again. It’s somewhat of a disaster in there right now. Greg was my biggest quilting fan and supporter. The first one I wanted to show when I quilted something I thought was really good. He would be just as happy and excited as I was. He bought me both of my sewing machines, my embroidery machine, and a big portion of my quilting machine. There isn’t a part of my life that he hadn’t become a big part of, as well. Quilting is no exception.

I have decisions to make, as far as my quilting is concerned. While I have no doubt that I will again be quilting…and probably sooner rather than later…it is possible that I may only be quilting for myself. I may let the customer quilting go. I will be selling our business to Greg’s son-in-law.  I run all my quilting work through it.  Sales tax collecting and reporting, etc. I’m not sure that I will want to have to go through setting up a new business on my own, and one thing I won’t do is run it “under the table”. It was easy to do before, since we already had a successful business established, to just add the quilting work in with it. The other side of that coin is that I will actually have more spare time now, on the weekends, in which to do customer quilting. Or, it could just be lots of spare time to work on my own stuff. Lots of things for me to ponder.

Hopefully, before long, there will be some quilting content returning. For today, I leave you with pics of four little friends on the patio:

One thru three...
number four

I leave the patio light on for them at night, to draw insects. I call it the “buffet”. Haha.

grief

Another week…

Wild Rose Quilter16 Comments

has passed in this journey.  I had a lot of positive feedback from the last post, publicly and privately. I will, at least for now, continue to share some on my blog about this time in my life. Just getting myself up, and getting presentable for work is a monumental task these days.  I perceive grief almost as an illness…what feels like an incurable disease. I am hopeful that the symptoms will ease with time, but I can’t imagine being completely “cured” or “whole” again. At least not now, while the wound is so raw.  I don’t feel “well”. Not physically, mentally or emotionally. Physically, I am exhausted all the time. Some of you may remember a couple of years ago that I was participating in some of the online weight loss groups. I finally gave up on those last pesky ten pounds. I have lost twenty since the beginning of Greg’s illness, til now. I have trouble sleeping through the night, though during the day, I wish I could be back in bed. An acquaintance I bumped into in town this week asked if it was getting better, with the passage of time. Ummmm…no. An innocent question, I know, with only the best of intentions. But, let’s see…it hasn’t even been a month. At this point, if anything, the missing of Greg seems only to be intensifying. You know the saying “absence makes the heart grow fonder”. At this stage, it’s like he has been gone on an extended fishing trip, and it’s time for him to return home. My mind knows that it will never be, but my heart cannot stop longing for it. Nor, for that matter, can my mind. I want some big red, magic “easy” button, like that from the Staples commercials, that I can just push and put my life back the way it was. With Greg here, present with me, in a physical form. I wonder when, at what point, and how…will these feelings begin to diminish. I find that he is constantly on my mind, no matter what I am doing. I go to work, and try to do one task at a time, and anything I manage to accomplish there feels like a small victory of sorts, and I worry that I am leaving something important undone. My concentration level is not at it’s normal level. People frequently comment to me that I am so strong…am I? I have my doubts. This weekend, I have barely been able to move. I don’t want to do much more than lay around and read. I did manage to write a handful of thank you notes, (still so many to get done) and do a couple loads of laundry, but that’s about it. I have been reading some books about grief, and I encourage others going through a loss to do the same, if for no other reason than to know that what you are feeling is not crazy. It’s so easy to feel that way in the midst of this situation.

Something else I feel in overwhelming proportions, is appreciation. Appreciation for all the love and support that has been shown to Greg, me and our family throughout this whole ordeal.  Even though no one can fix this, the love, support, and prayers do help. And, I am so thankful for all of it.  Whether from friends and family locally, or my “cyberspace” friends.  I believe that it will make me a better friend. I am so much more aware now how important it is to let others know you care, or are thinking about them. You never know when your message may have been received at a most needed moment, or what a difference you might have made for that other person. I want to once again thank each and every one of you that has commented, prayed for me, emailed me, and sent me cards. I haven’t been up to responding to each of you individually, ever since this started, but I mean it from the bottom of my heart.

I have a lot of thoughts running around in my head that I want to write about, but this is all I can manage for today.  Feel free to share your thoughts in my comments section. I love hearing your stories and points of view, as well.

 

grief · quilting

Smiles…

Wild Rose Quilter27 Comments

are hard to come by these days.  The pain of losing my one true love permeates every part of my existence. Grief.  I hesitate to write much about it on my blog, but…at the same time…it is my blog.  My musings about my life.  And now, grief is a part of my life’s daily journey. This is the road I’m walking now. How can I not write about it? I can’t pretend that it doesn’t exist. That it isn’t now a part of me. Grief is not something you feel for a few days after the loss, and then it’s all better…you just get up, go on, move on. No…it’s not neat and tidy like that. It’s messy, it is rough around the edges, jagged, a wound that keeps bleeding. It has a life and a movement of it’s own. It’s like an ocean, ebbing and flowing, calming at times, and then crashing back over you in big, uncontrollable waves. Some days you are stronger, and some days you feel as if you absolutely cannot do this. But, you must. There is no escape. You must travel on down the rough, rocky road.  Your friends and loved ones hurt with you, and for you, and naturally want to make it better, but no one can bear this pain for you. It is yours. Yours alone. It is unique to you. Grief is deeply personal. There is no right or wrong way to do it. There is no time limit on it. I don’t write to be melodramatic, or depressing, offending, or for attention,  or sympathy. Just to be  real. Honest. I read in a book on grief that stating what you are feeling can be helpful. Even as I write, I am hesitant to push the “publish” button, to share something so deeply personal to me with “the whole world”, but maybe it will not just be helpful to me, but someone else out there that is being tossed about in their own personal ocean of grief. For whatever reason, I feel compelled to share this.

Now that I have gotten those thoughts down, and out there, back to the topic of this post. Smiles. Yes, they are fewer and farther between these days. But, this is what made me smile this morning…backyard visitors…a toad, a frog, and a turtle. When your heart is broken, it’s the first thought that crosses your mind when you wake up in the morning. The pain is fresh all over again. But, I got up…let my dogs out…started a pot of coffee…and stepped out in the backyard with them. First, I found the toad, then the frog. Anyone that has read my blog for any length of time knows how I love God’s creatures. He gave me heart full of love for them. Some people find toads and frogs yucky. Not me. I think they are adorable. Then, after letting the dogs back in and feeding them, and giving Libby her insulin, I got a cup of coffee and we went back out in the yard. And, then I saw the turtle. I immediately went in the house to rummage up some food for it. I picked baby carrots, a tangelo, and some apple slices.  And, yes…I smiled as I watched it eating an apple slice.

I do hope I get to see my little visitor again.